Adventures of the Dance Pants

I recently (like a month ago) acquired some new pants. They are the exact same kind of Levi's that my sister wears, which is very good because it means they have some room for da butt and look very cool.

Anyway, because of the excellent fit, I wore them dancing this past Friday to a gay dance party at this bar/club space called the Someday Lounge. To celebrate Sam's return to Portland, we got very drunk, put on some fab grandmother-ish big shouldered shirts and set out to have a big gay dance night of fun. Which it was, but there were some unexpected elements that were thrown in that I will now tell you all about:

1) While waiting for the MAX right by our house, a short black man approaches us and asks for a lighter. Kelly obliges him, thrilled to actually have a lighter to offer. This prompts him to invite himself along with us dancing. I reveal to this man that we are in fact going to a gay dance night, at which point he looks over me, Sam, Kim and Kelly and asks, "you are all gay?"

2) Simultaneously, another man, Jonathan, comes up. He is white with shaggy hair and is wearing a jean jacket. He mumbles some awkward phrases. Then, out of nowhere, goes "you smoke pot." He is primarily ignored.

3) The first man introduces himself as Hasan. He would like to come gay dancing. "But you know some people who are bisexual aren't liked by gays," he says and we agree that sometimes that happens, but it counts for us.

4) The MAX comes. We all get on and Jonathan mumbles his pot line again and very conspicuously shows off his bag of pot. Hasan asks if we smoke pot and I mention that we have preceeded him. I'm not sure this is a word, but he gets the point and I probably sound very confident saying the word. So Hasan gives the guy like 5 dollars and pockets the nug. Hasan asks if we'll hang out with him at this place and I say if he dances.

5) As we're getting off the MAX Hasan somehow convinces some guy with a bike to come along with us. I don't notice this until all of a sudden a man with a bike and beanie is trotting along side us. We all go into the lounge. And EVERYONE dances. At this point shaggy hair is lost. But Hasan breaks out the moves. Even Beanie Head dances. And Nikki bounces off the walls, for Nikki. There are balloons and good music and what is referred to as a"mixed" group of gays, which I only recently have begun to think of as boys and girls together.

6) Both Hasan and Beanie reveal to Kim separately that they would like to meet a man.

7) Things are going smoothly when all of a sudden Beanie knocks Kim's drink in her face while trying to swat at the balloon passing by. Kim screams. Mostly because she's surprised but Beanie thinks she's mad and goes to buy her a new drink. Kim runs upstairs to the bathroom to clean her drink off her face.

8) Both Beanie and Hasan want to know how Kim is getting home. Everybody else is dancing. There is a drag queen singing something while some regular looking girls with cliched tattooes take off too much clothing too quickly. Hasan wants to know the last time Kim as been with a man, okay well how about a black man, well okay how about a black man who is named Hasan? Gotcha. Beanie is willing to buy Kim more drinks. Kim makes Hasan leave to try to catch the MAX back to Beaverton.

9) Some kind of contest ensues. This requires dykes to come on stage and tell why they are hot and answer some basic questions from the MC. None of the dykes can think of anything they like to do except "doin' it" and "eating pussy." All of us, as dykes, and even the fags, are embarrassed for all dykes.

10) We share a cab home with some gay boys who are plotting aloud to steal our cab from us as I am getting into the cab. "Let's just get in and they won't notice," the loudmouthed one says and I invite them to come in when we realize we're both going to North Portland. The boy in the front seat won't put on his seatbelt so there is an obnoxious beep-beep, beep-beep every minute or so. The other boy is disappointed that there was so much pussy at this party and wants to know "where is all the dick." They are nice. We eat and go to bed.